


those three words, you were my first

by malecflowers



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Happy Ending?, M/M, blood? i guess, he kinda disassociates a lot, i got tired and didnt know how to end it, i wanted to get this out before the ep tomorrow so its kinda rushed, idk - Freeform, it might be utter shit, its almost 5 am and i cant fucking sleep so im writing this trash, its my first finished fic, lukas is in a coma, philip has a lot of anxiety, philips freaking out, post episode 8, so there was a lot of angst, sorry if this sucks, the ending is such trash omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 22:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8817838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecflowers/pseuds/malecflowers





	

It was like Philips entire world was crashing down around him and he couldn’t breathe. When he saw Lukas fly off his bike like that he didn’t even stop to think, he just ran because he knew Lukas needed help. And then there was the water. But even his fears wouldn’t stop him from getting to Lukas. So he pushed aside the fear and ran in, pulling Lukas up to the shore. 

It wasn’t until he was sitting there, Lukas unconscious and bleeding in his arms that the panic started to set in. If the killer had found them then what did that mean for Philip? Was he next? Was another person going to die because he didn’t tell Helen about being at the cabin too?

Kamilah, after checking on the two boys, ran back towards the house to get Helen and Gabe. But Philip didn’t notice what was happening around him. All he knew was the tightness in his chest and the boy bleeding out in his lap. 

He was no doctor but he knew enough from living in the city, surrounded by addicts and criminals his whole life, that he could tell the bullet wasn’t in Lukas anymore. There was blood all over his jeans from where it was coming out of the exit wound. He could also tell that the bullet went in high enough up that it didn’t hit anything important, which meant that, if the paramedics got there in time, he would probably be fine. Logically he knew everything would probably be fine, but he still couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he tried to keep pressure on the wound.

  
  


After that everything seemed to move in slow motion. The ambulance pulling up, the paramedics taking Lukas away from him, Helen and Gabe rushing over.

But he must have blacked out or something because the next thing Philip knew he was sitting on the porch, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and Kamilah was talking to him. He couldn’t think straight, his mind too busy replaying the memory of the gunshot and Lukas flying off his bike, so when they asked him what he saw he just mumbled something about getting it all on video. 

After that Kamilah left, presumably to go look for Philip’s phone, and Gabe got up to help Philip inside. Once they’d made it upstairs and he was out of his wet, blood soaked clothing and into something clean he finally let himself collapse. He let Gabe catch him as his legs gave out and the panic took over. They stayed like that for several minutes, Philip crying so hard that his entire body shook, and Gabe kneeling next to him, holding him close and telling him it would all be okay. 

Once he’d calmed and was able to form a coherent thought he insisted to be taken to the hospital. He needed to see Lukas. He needed Lukas to be okay. Gabe tried to tell him it might not be the best idea. But Philip wouldn’t have that. So he stumbled to his feet, mumbling about how he’d take his bike instead. Gabe stopped him before he could get to his bedroom door and reluctantly agreed to take him.  
  


 

And that’s how he ended up here, sitting next to the hospital bed where Lukas lay.

He didn’t pay much attention when to doctors came in to talk to Bo and Helen, but he caught bits of what was being said.  _ ‘He lost a lot of blood’  _ and  _ ‘...should be fine...’ ‘...we just have to wait.’ _ but all Philip heard was that Lukas would be okay. He was going to be okay. That was all that mattered in that moment.

Until Helen came over to him and demanded to know the rest of the truth. Apparently she’d worked out that Tommy and Tracy were killed because the killer thought they had witnessed his crimes. Philip wasn’t surprised. Tommy was wearing his jacket when they found him, so it was only a matter of time after Lukas came forward and confessed to being a witness that someone figured it out. And after Helen found out that Philip and Lukas were seeing each other she was pretty quick to put the facts together. He knew she would be quick. He knew this moment was coming, and yet he still wasn’t prepared.

But Philip came clean anyway. It didn’t matter how much it scared him. It didn’t matter how hard it was, Lukas’s life was in danger. So he told her everything. He told her about him and Lukas in the cabin, that they were kissing. He told her that he hid under the bed when the men showed up, and that Lukas saved his life when the killer turned the gun towards him. And he told her the most important detail, that he knows the killer’s face. 

When he was done Helen brought in the sketch artist and they all sat there in the corner of the small hospital room as Philip watch the face of the man who caused all of this shit get sketched onto a piece of paper. Helen seemed to recognize the man immediately, but she didn’t say who it was.  _ “You’re sure this is the man you saw? Really sure?”  _ she’d asked him, showing him the picture again. Philip just nodded and turned away, unable to look at the man's face anymore without feeling sick. He couldn’t understand why she seemed so unsure, why she still didn’t seem to believe him after everything. 

But he didn’t care anymore. He’d done his part. He’d told the truth. Now all he cared about was Lukas.   
  


 

After the room cleared he turned his chair back so he was facing Lukas and watched him for a minute, silently praying that he would wake up. When nothing happened he stood up and leaned over the other boy and whispered softly, as if what he were saying was a secret.  _ “I love you Lukas. Please wake up.” _

I love you. It was no secret. Philip loved Lukas with everything he had and he wanted nothing more than for the whole world to know. But he knew how scared Lukas was, so he settled for whispering it to him. It was fitting since over the last few weeks Lukas had become his whole world. 

After he spoke he pressed a gentle kiss to Lukas’s forehead, as if simply being there and loving him was enough to make him wake up. Of course it wasn’t, but it didn’t matter. 

Philip hadn’t realized he was being watched until he heard someone behind him clear their throat and speak.  _ “So, does my son know how you feel or is this something you keep from him too?” _ and with that all the anxiety and the panic that had finally started to lessen was back. He was mad at himself for not checking the door before doing something like that, something so intimate. He was mad at himself because knew this wasn’t how Lukas wanted to come out. But the damage had been done. Everyone else already knew, it was only a matter of time before Bo found out anyway. There was no point lying anymore. 

_ “He knows how I feel. I think he feels it too.”  _

Philip didn’t want to sound weak in that moment. He wanted nothing more than to stand up to Lukas’s father. He wanted to sound strong and sure of himself so there would be no doubts about the way the two boys felt about each other. But Philip’s words betrayed him. They came out quiet and unsure, his voice shaky and laced with pain. 

Once Philip finally worked up the courage to look Bo in the eye he regretted it immediately. He looked angry. Lukas never said much about his father, but based on what he did say Philip was able to figure out that he would be better off avoiding Bo as much as possible. So that’s exactly what he was going to do. But before he even made it halfway across the room Bo’s voice stopped him in his tracks,  _ “Wait. If you’re right and he does love you then you should be here when he wakes up.” _

Philip was shocked to say the least, but he went back to his spot beside the bed anyway. 

They sat there in an awkward silence for several minutes before Bo excused himself, leaving Philip alone with Lukas once again. 

  
  


A few hours later the day events finally started to catch up with him and Philip was exhausted. So he slid his chair closer to the bed and laid his head down in the empty space by Lukas’s upper body. He made sure to position himself so he could still hold Lukas’s hand in case something happened before settling down and closing his eyes.

But he didn’t fall asleep. Despite his exhaustion he still couldn’t seem to make his thoughts stop. Every time he closed his eyes all he saw was Lukas in his lap, covered in his own blood. And every time he saw that image it felt so real, like it was happening all over again. It felt so real that Philip had to open his eyes just to make sure Lukas was really there and not still bleeding out somewhere. 

After about an hour he gave up and leaned back in his chair, groaning in frustration. The last few days had been so hard and he just wanted everything to be over. But of course it wasn’t over. And it wasn’t going to be over any time soon.

And even after this particular period was over and done with there’s still so much more to worry about. Philip’s entire life is worrying. But at least things aren’t as bad as they used to be. He didn’t have to worry about where his next meal would come from or whether or not he’d have to blow some stranger so he could afford groceries next week. But that didn’t make his current problems any less harder to deal with.

He couldn’t think about all that shit now though, so he pushed those thoughts aside and focused his attention back on Lukas. It didn’t really help, seeing him like that, so pale and lifeless. But it did give him something to focus on, which helped keep the bad thoughts far enough away that he could ignore them. So Philip kept his eyes trained on Lukas’s hand, praying it would move.

When it did finally move he thought he’d imagined it. And when it moved again he jumped up, suddenly feeling incredibly awake. He took Lukas’s hand and leaned over the bed slightly. He felt his heart start to race as Lukas’s eyes fluttered open. He’d heard the doctors when they said Lukas would be fine but he hadn’t let himself believe it, not until now. 

The relief he felt when Lukas looked up at him and finally spoke was incredible. 

And in that very moment nothing else mattered to Philip. All of his worries were gone. He didn’t care that the murder was still out there, or that his life was still a disaster. All that mattered was that Lukas was here, alive and okay. 


End file.
